Sunday, November 25, 2012

just a perfect day...

so this is my idea of a perfect day

when i say perfect day, i don't mean amazing day.  this isn't a day where i lose a hundred pounds then go on a date with...dang...who would i go on a a date with? lets just say *insert attractive celebrity i'm a fan of here*

this isn't a day of roller coasters with no waiting lines.
this isn't a day of flawless marching band performances
of starring in broadway shows
of touring europe
of constant rock concert dancing.

this is a perfect day, which means that nothing is wrong with it.  it means that just because nothing particularly awesome is happening, doesn't mean that there is anything inherently wrong with the day.

on this day i wake up on time.  and i get up, on time.
i shower.
i get dressed in clean clothes and i don't freak out about how i look in them.
i eat breakfast.
i take my medication.  i don't know what medication this is, but it helps me focus on what i need to do, and helps me not have anxiety attacks about doing it.
i go to work.
i don't know what job this is.  but it is a job where i work with people, and i'm doing something positive for society.  and i don't feel like my soul is dying.
i go home.
i hobby.  i might exercise.  i might practice my clarinet or learn another instrument.  i might make something.  i might read.
i go out with my friends, because every day should end with the people i love.
and then i go to bed.

this is a normal day i feel.  and to me it is perfect.  because i have never had these things.  i have never gotten up on time, i have never been comfortable with the way i look, i have never had a job that fits me, i have never had frequent enough time for my interests, or been able to go home and have the time to do whatever it is that i need to do between work or school and seeing people.

and all i want is a normal day.

and a voice in my head says "sara, nobody has days or lives exactly how they want them."

this is true.  which is why this is my perfect day.  perfection is impossible.
i in now way consider a day like this possible.

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