Wednesday, March 24, 2010

These things I point out to myself.

One thing i've noticed in our household is that when one thing breaks, everything thing breaks.

Well maybe not everything, but just enough to make life a little difficult.

emphasis on a little, as per the point of this blog.

It started when our one and only working vehicle broke down a month ago. A little background information so you know what this means:

My family consists of four adults. A father and a brother who work, a girl (myself) who attends college, and a mom who is a councelor at church, and holds everything at at home together that the rest of us cannot because we aren't home, to the best of her ability. That best being all we can ask for as she is in remission of inflammatory breast cancer, and has frequent doctors appointments.

We live ten miles from the closest town and/or gas station.

HOWEVER, we live 40 miles from my school which i commute to, and the church which we are all heavily involved in, and an additional 20 miles added to that from where my father works.

So you see the dilemma that arises when the single car that the four of us have been sharing breaks down.

BUT, i maintain that this car, a white '95 acura, was a God car. We had gotten it for free in the first place, it was the only working car out of the four we posessed, and it waited to stop working until john and i were safely home at six thirty in the morning, and until i was on spring break and had two weeks before i needed to be at classes again. In other words, the most convenient time it could have broken down.

So dad took a few days off of work to try and fix one of the cars, im not exactly sure which one he was working on, i don't think it was the acura.

Spring break ends, and still nothing fixed, however thanks to a couple of loving friends we are currently borrowing a red truck (thankyou candy) and a silver focus (thankyou linda) which is actually putting us in a slightly better situation than we were before.

Unfortunately here's what ELSE happened.

My great unlce Donald died, I didn't know him that well, but because of school i couldn't go to the funeral, and mom and john went down by themselves. This is an occurence that has happened on my mothers side in addition to my grandfather being in the hospital for having trouble breathing, and my aunt cindy dying a year ago and recently having that one year anniversary of her death. Mom went down (and rightly so) to stay for a while so she can help grandpa understand all of his new meds, make sure that granny is dealing with everything okay (she has an anxiety disorder and dimensia) and be there for my uncle kenny as well (her brother) so that he isn't the only one dealing with it.

Every time my mother leaves, it becomes abundantly clear how much we all rely upon her.

Because the dryer broke........

So we have these cars that we can't afford to keep filled with gasoline because dad took so much time off of work his paycheck is very small and john hass not been getting a lot of work what with it being spring break in the school district he works for and all. We have a broken dryer so the laundry is piling, (the dishes were piling before john came back up from my grandparents, dad and i were just never home to do them) and it feels like a vicious cycle, we're losing money because we don't have a car, but we need money to have one......and sirius my dog is still missing.

AND YET on top of it all.

i attend college, this is making me more educated than seventy percent of the world.

i have yet to go a day without food. even if we run completely broke this week we've got enough packaged food to get us by. i have already eaten more today (a bagel and soymilk) than what thousands of people will eat in a week.
i still have a roof over my head, no matter where i go. if i get stuck in valpo for lack of gas i have friends, and at home i have a roof as well. all these roofs have beds attached btw.
i have dirty clothes, but i have clothes.
i was pissed off yesterday when the health care bill was signed, but i live in a country where im allowed to express that emotion.
and i have a community of people around me that are taking care of me
not even to mention the family i live in that is taking care of me, a mom who is willing to go to another state away from her family and normal obligations just to make sure that her parents are getting what they need.
a dad whose working his fingers off to keep us going

but above all a God who is making it so very obvious through all of these things that i will never be foresaken, He will never leave me, or stop taking care of me.

So most of this blog, it sounds like whining and complaining, and probably rightfully so in some ways, but this is actually a praise blog. praise to the One who keeps me going, praise to the Only who loves me despite, praise Forever and ever.

Monday, March 1, 2010


This crazy kiss!
Unthinkable dream!
This life in its entirety makes me scream!
For nothing in Heaven or Earth could ever abound
Or Surpass the splendour of what I have found!

Like the secret of a farmer inside his bought field
Or a succession of servants with succession of yield
Or the yeast that turns the dough into bread
Or seed scattered among thorns just yearning to be fed

But no! Not I, could be nearly so strong,
As to traipse about the Kingdom as if I belong!
Or to reach out a hand to those saplings in the ground
Or bell of such brassy and clear resound
Just leave me to observe till the trumpet sound....

But wait! I say that I can not, nor should
I presume to be noble enough for the good.
But I insist oh my Treasure, oh my most precious of finds
I dearly wish to be so if that wish be thine
So as Your hand spreads seed to scatter
While most might just stand by and contemplate how it matters
I shall pull back my hair and roll up my sleeves
And sift through the mulch and the roots and the leaves
Coaxing from the arth just one little stalk
So that I might move from milk to fruit
From a crawl to a walk

For this thing that i've found causes my voice to ring
My feet to dance
My life to sing
And so is Your effect upon EVERYTHING

For I was a pearly seed
Lost to its lustre
But you renamed my bloom
From mistake to mustard

And as my heart exclaims with joy
The One who has filled this void
And whose words and actions And love I'll employ....

This is the purest love of all time
And through thick and thin I know that its mine.