Sunday, April 24, 2011

He is Risen!

Easter Thoughts:

God gave me everything, so I would have the opportunity to give everything, and such an opportunity He has given to everyone here in the States.

To those God has given nothing, He has given the opportunity to give with nothing to lose.

To those with neither or both, He has given the best of both worlds.

The End.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

How much more human could you get?

Sometimes I get the feeling that i'm weird.

Okay, I know i'm weird. I don't consider weird a bad thing. I feel as though people's weirdness gives them dimension; makes them more than just flat characters in the background. However it is not the quirky kind of weird, or the charismatic kind of weird that I am referring to. It is the weirdness that makes a person a

Let's put it this way, sometimes, I don't fit in.

I know that much of these feelings are in my head. They stem from bad boxes I have from situations i've been in where i genuinly did not fit in. I'm self conscious, its true.

However I can not say that I wasn't warned. It says in the Bible that we are in the world, but not of the world.

So sometimes I feel as if there is something wrong with me. While other girls my age are meeting fellas and falling in love and getting hitched and whatnot I am going to church and leading worship with teenagers and trying to figure out why I am not doing the same thing, and why I don't feel bad about it.

Not to say that other girls who have active love lives are not as "christiany" to use a technical term; far from it. I know many women of God who date and get married and seem...well...normal.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm one of those "called" to be single, and wonder if i'm okay with that.

The point of this seemingly personal blog is that I realized yesterday that I am more normal than I would have thought. Let's look at it this way...

If I were to meet a guy whom I fell completely head over heels for, and we went out and got engaged, then I would wind up rearranging my entire life around this event. I would make plans on where I would live and what jobs I would take and even how I scheduled my social calandar and other activities based on this person, because part of the whole point is integrating this person into my life. On top of this, not a single person would question it because this is normal. It is in fact normal to rearrange one's life to accomodate another person for the purposes of integrating them into your existence. This is very human.

I realized yesterday that this is exactly what I'm doing. The person I have fallen completely head over heels for is Jesus, and I have organized my schedule and redirected my life based on my relationship with him, so that I could better integrate him into my life. I am catering to, and making accomodations for this relationship. How much more human is that?

I've always agreed with the idiom "Christianity isn't a religion, it is a relationship" (I mean I of course agree that it is one that we follow "religiously" in the sense that there are rituals and traditions we follow for the purpose of spiritual community) but I feel like I better understand it now.

And while I still know that I am odd, to the extent that a Christian should be considered odd (and possibly more so) I think that i'm a little less self-concious about where my life is going. And if there be a fella with whom I could find a companion the only possible way to make it work would be if he were to have made the same arrangements and rearrangements for God as I have, because that is the only way that our lives will fit.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011


So, i'm sitting here in the VU library knowing full well that i have work to do and i can't help but feel the need to blog, so here i am, blogging. There is a lot going on with me right now. Even though i'm only taking 14 credits this semester, school is till the weightier part of my to-do list that just doesn't get done. As of right now i have a paper due tomorrow evening i haven't started, a presentation due monday evening i haven't begun and another paper i need to pick a topic for asap, in the same class that another paper is due in a week from this friday. i only just barely get my chinese work done every day and i don't study it like i should. how can i expect to remember a foreign language if i don't take the time to use it? none of us would have learned our own language if we hadn't conversed with our parents from the time we've been brought up! i'm going to china may 18th, for about four or five weeks or so. i'm supposed to have an internship there and take a class. however i haven't gotten all of the paperwork done for either of those things either. i need to officially register for the summer course and have my advisor sign a paper that says my internship fulfills my internship requirement for my major. not a day goes by where someone doesn't mention my trip to china, and i sort of wish people would stop bringing it up just because im so scared to go that i don't like thinking about it. but truth be told theres no way i could or would ask them to do so because the fact of the matter is that this is where my life is pointing right now, and you can't mention a compass without mentioning north. in the midst of all of this i embrace distraction like a junkie embraces cocaine. distractions like today being One Day Without Shoes. An annual day put on my TOMS shoes where people walk around all day, you guessed it, without shoes in order to raise awareness of the millions of children in the world who walk around without shoes not by choice but because they don't have any. this exposes them to diseases, injuries, and reduces school attendance since they have to walk there (if they have a school to attend) another distraction is my participation in the Vagina Monologues. I'm aware that this is contraversial especially within the church, but the purpose of these monologues is to raise awareness and help combat violence against women. last year proceeds went towards women in the Democratic Republic of the Congo where rape and sexual violence has been used as a war tactic for decades. Even though the V-logues supports a few things that the church does not, the message i get behind is that of respect of all kinds of women everywhere. the first step in loving is respecting. i'm still teaching kids at life bridge, although its my month off and i didn't do very much teaching during my month on. i'm still figuring out where my place is in that ministry to be honest in the sense that i don't feel like its my calling but i don't necessarily think i'm not supposed to be there either. it is a place where i wish more people got involved. i've been trying to remember to pray that whomever God calls to work with the children will step forward but prayer is one of the many disciplines in which i fall short. i pray often in my mind and in my heart all day all the time whenever something registers in my mind as in need of prayer, but most often in the short term. things like safe travels, and sick people, and friends that are on my heart. but when it comes to those long term things where so much is unknown i tend to forget to give them to God, which is a shame because i tend to just worry about them. another example of this is our need in the teen ministries. we don't have a male youth leader which is integral. the teenage boys go through so much that a female leader can't relate to, nor will boys respond as well to a female leader who guides them. in additon to this i'm still struggling with the organization of the youth band. alot of that is me, and my shortcomings. i think really, truthfully, and honestly, that this entire blog is a prayer. God, give me focus and motivation to finish the things i've left undone. give me strength to deal with the obstacles that come my way. give me peace of mind as i look forward to the changes that are coming into my life and to the parts of my life that i don't know what will happen. thankyou for all that you provide that makes these things worth it. i'm sorry that i often fall so short of your glory, and i praise that even so you continue to lift me up. help me be more like you, remind me to pray for what i neglect to pray for. and thankyou for reminding me that while there are issues now that what is before my eyes is nothing but a moment in time but you see into infinity and you know what is to come and you are in control. father, when has worrying added a day to my life? you're beautiful, and the life you've given me is beautiful, and while i fear the path before my feet i wouldn't want any other path to trod upon. in your sons name i pray, amen.