Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Better than xanax

my anxiety has been coming down on me pretty hard the last few weeks
it has gotten to the point where i've been having anxiety attacks almost daily
so this week started out about the same
sunday during youth group we were challenging the girls with doing things this week that could help them develop a closer relationship with God
one of the things was setting time aside for prayer.
this one girl had already gotten this challenge card from a youth convention they went to, where it challenged her for one year or something like that to pray on her knees three times a day, and read the book of daniel
since she's already been challenged in this way, and she hadn't started it yet, i decided i would do it with her
so she won't feel alone you know?
we started monday, she picked three times. and i have alarms set on my phone for each of those times
monday was okay, it was my day off. and then monday evening i started having an anxiety attack and was really really depressed on tuesday morning
i came to work, and was trying to work through it, when my alarm went off to pray
i got on my knees and prayed, just as i had been on monday, about anything that popped into my mind. successions of people i knew and what i knew they were going through, and whatever i didn't know about that they were going through. i prayed that this student would be inspired and know what to say, and i prayed that God would dispell all of my anxiety.
its strange because i've prayed for help with it before. but my prayers have always been in my head or something. i don't know, i guess i was talking at God and not to him. something about the whole knees thing makes it like a real conversation, cause it is.
it completely turned my day around yesterday, the praying

and then i continued it today of course
and today has been great
and its only my third day praying, but i realize i need this
we try to make God this practical thing that fits into our lives, but God is so big, he doesn't fit into our lives. we fit into his
we try to "have time" for God, but time is his to start with

Martin Luther said ""If I fail to spend two hours in prayer each morning, the devil gets the victory through the day. I have so much business I cannot get on without spending three hours daily in prayer."

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