So I've been doing this diet thing, and while it hasn't been a secret I have endeavored not to advertise it. I am part of a private facebook group where we talk about our struggles with the diet and such, but I make no public posts about it, or my progress, nor do I tell people about it unless they ask.
As with any challenge, I'm learning more about myself in the process. Part of me hates that. I hate that a diet can be deep. Part of what has inhibited me from really taking control of my health in the past has been this notion that diets and exercise were part of a luxury driven culture. That our culture rotates around self-love and decadence disgusts me, and honestly taking the time to plan out my meals and exercise everyday feels like a waste of time.
However I can not refute the reality that our culture is the way it is and the need (because it is a need) to take conscious care of our bodies exists because we no longer live in a subsistence culture. I did not grow up on a farm and spend every waking our dedicated to the upkeep of that farm. My meals do not consist of the food I grow and rear myself. My muscles and nutrition are no longer the product of my daily labor.
Instead the daily labor of the average person is something that contributes to a much broader picture of our community. Writers write what others read. Cooks cook what others eat. Receptionists receive communications meant for other persons. Some of these jobs require sitting for hours at a time as opposed to our ancestors who spent dawn till dusk on their feet.
I started this diet because I decided that 260 pounds was too heavy for a girl of 5'6". Also diabetes and heart disease runs in my family. Also, to be frank, the last time I had a boyfriend I was under 200 pounds. I was overweight but about seventy pounds lighter. I'm not going to say that my singleness is a direct result of my weight gain but I'm sure it didn't help. And while I'm all about big girls being beautiful too it is a valid thing for people to find certain physical characteristics to be attractive.
The entire point of this blog is not to rant about how our society is shallow and materialistic, or to break down my feelings on my own weight.
It is to state that I miss peanut butter sandwiches. I miss how easy it was to just make a sandwich when I wanted something to eat. I miss that. I miss the simplicity of food. That it wasn't something I had to think about.
In this diet I have to plan every meal and prepare for it. I miss being able to just run out the door with a sandwich in my hand. Gosh...I miss the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I am happy that I'm doing the diet, because it is working. But sometimes I would like to be able to say "Hey friend, let's go to the park and eat sandwiches and then talk about how great it is to be at the park and eating sandwiches." This has never been something I've said, but in my sandwich deprived state I have romanticized the experience somewhat.