Friday, August 12, 2011

clean and inspired

i've noticed that whenever i go to bible study, and actually get into the discussion i feel like i've just gotten out of the shower, i feel clean like a glass of water.

i've also noticed that a lot of the time i don't feel this way.

when i look at myself and the world through a worldly lens, as the world would have me see things, it affects me for weeks. i won't be happy with myself because i can't stop obsessing with all the things that are wrong with me, especially physically. i feel less like a glass of water, more like a glass of coke. brown and full of high fructose corn syrup and preservatives and over compensating by an excess amount of bubbles.
it also affects my relationships with other people. i begin to expect things from them that i shouldn't. things to expect that are unfair to them and to myself.

but when i start looking at the world and at myself the way God would see me, i see my flaws for what they are, but not as the entirety of who i am. i see others as images of God, and treat them that way. i see a direct correlation between the times that i am connecting with God and literally having the desire to write poetry. i'm clean, i'm inspired, and the giant question marks of the future do not seem nearly as scary or intimidating as they might otherwise seem.

i've been frustrated with myself this summer, because i haven't been serving enough. and i can see it in my life. i've been so selfish lately, and i just can't be anymore. living for me leaves me feeling awful about myself, and sticky like spilled coca-cola in the sun. (and some of you may know that i HATE being sticky) living for God, and living for others, i'm the opposite of sticky.

you could possibly care less about these words, and they may not affect your daily lives whatsoever, but this was something that i felt i needed to say.

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