Tuesday, May 19, 2009

on angels and demons

so i was watching a movie the other day where the villain was a man who had lost everything; his family, his friends, his home. his pain was great, so who he became was a great pain inflicter. he wanted others to feel the same pain he had endured, especially if they were someone who connected to the pain, or if he blamed them at all. so, when i come across a person who inflicts great pain on others, i have to think "what have they gone through/ are they going through to make them so vindictive?" i never believed in bad people (and i fear saying that to people thinking so many will automatically retort "so you think (insert facist dictator/murderer/rapist here) is a good person?" or even more will just think me naive). i believe in broken people, and even more broken people. when it comes to others, every fiery arrow of the evil one they hit you with is another fiery arrow the evil one hit them with. so what of myself? what of my demons? do i hurl the arrows hurled at me? by man or demon? this is what i think. if i let my demons be who i am, let them affect how i treat others, i'm no better than the demons who hurt me to start with. i could make the excuse that i'm only human but that diminishes what humanity is. if humanity were meant to settle in its imperfection we would be demons instead, because when you settle in a rut you wear it down deeper, and what does a demon do but cultivate pain? so what is the alternative then? only to live for Christ, as Christ, with love and utter humility and selflessness. because if my demons are who i am then living for others ceases to be living for those demons. but if i am not defined by whats wrong with me, then not living for those demons and doing right makes sense as well. i will not diminish humanity to demony by resigning myself to reflecting my pain on others and explaining that away by only being human. yet i will not claim angelicism. angels live better than humans, above them. instead i will accept being human and live as such, as was created loving others despite the taint of my demons. what makes us good, and gives us strength is refusing to inflict our pain upon others, even if they inflict theirs upon us, because i can not expect them to live beyond their demons and refuse resignation. and living for others makes us like Christ, and only God is truly good. in short: no matter what i've been through, i can still treat others with love. my demons are not who i am. no ones are. i will love others despite their demons. i will love others despite mine. Jesus did, and never demeaned another despite the torturous death He faced. even during that time He forgave the aggressors, and another in the same boat as He. i'm not a demon i'm not an angel i am human and i will live like one.

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